Standing in the Storm

What does that mean? Well lately along with "get out of the way", my mentors are reminding me to "stand firm" in the storm regarding the restoration of my family and marriage. This is easier said then done. You see in my past I always walked away when I was inconvenienced or there was no quick painless resolution. I tried to fix whatever it was myself. I didn't have time for whatever was causing me pain or suffering. However at this season in my life I feel paralyzed, not in the traditionally bad way, but in a positive way.

Reading  2 Chronicles 20:17 ( "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you." ), this reaffirms the message my mentors are recommending. As in this scripture and there are many more throughout the Bible referencing, for us not to defend ourselves or fight our own battles, but to let God do this for us. As a man this is somewhat trying as we are taught all our lives to fight for what we believe in i.e., our faith, our family, our country, ourselves. So giving something over to faith, that the results of the outcome is so monumental, appears impossible.

Yet many times through out the Bible we see this same reference, to "stand firm" in the face of apparently insurmountable odds or storms. Then sure as the sun rises, victory is claimed be the suffering. Whether it was freedom from slavery, death or sin, God prevailed for whoever stood firm believing in him.

So that brings the next question, what is a victory? Lately my victories are not as clear cut as winning the war, but more like winning a battle. For instance, my family and I will be going together tonight to church. Now this may not seem significant, but in my world it's a huge thing. Another is simply being able to find work, God has been blessing me with little jobs each day and again this is a victory. I have had no impulses or urges so this is considered a huge victory. that portion of the war is won and i feel will not be something I will have to battle again. Why? This battle caused too much suffering and pain, the result will haunt me forever, keeping me free from ever going through that door again.

Here is the struggle for me standing in the storm....the ONE person on this Earth that I feel I need the most to help get through this storm, can't help me. She has her own storm to struggle with. You see I am responsible for the my wife's struggles right now. I own that and she can't and wont be my partner through this. So you ask whats my struggle? Simple this brings up the feeling of abandonment. I have found that this is something that has been deeply rooted and I have suppressed all of my life. So by running from something in the past, I didn't allow myself to be abandoned. However, being paralyzed in this moment I am forced to address this issue. I fight the rejection, the anger, the depression. Who do I blame and try to direct these emotions at? Well they fall on my shoulders squarely, as much as I'd like to blame someone else, this is on me.

The fallout from the storm is a horrible reminder of my indiscretions and pain that have hurt and affected those around me. Yet I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 16:13 " Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong." God gives me spiritual purpose and my family gives me fleshly purpose. With my family mostly absent, I must lean on God and others he has surrounded me with, more than ever. These things are my struggles while standing in the storm. I pray that the storms end is near, so I can shout  Proverbs 10:25, " When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever", from the tallest mountain.

Lets Pray: Heavenly Father thank you o Lord for another day. Thank you for the words and strength to share these thoughts with whoever are lead to read them. Lord Thank you for the little victories, as I pray that soon the storm will pass. I know when it does I will be victorious through you. I hope that this message rings true for many who read it. My prayer isn't just for me and my families healing. Bit for the many other I KNOW could use the healing, strength or support to take that next step. To admit, forgive or help heal someone close to them or even themselves. I pray they have there own little victories and those little battles will eventually through you become their own war being won. God I hope this prayer will touch just one person and give them faith that You will help them through their storm. Father, I close asking that you give all of us the strength to keep "standing firm" in our own storms and when we see our loved ones or friends in a storm that we stand with them. Showing them they are not alone and together, with God on that team, the battles and wars will be won. The Devils days are numbered, he has no domain here. My shield is strong, my sword is sharp and God you have placed other spiritual warriors around me to guard my weak spots. Together we will not bend, we will not fail, together we will overcome all that the devil may try. Father gives us strength to hold in the storm and Lord we WILL PRAISE YOU IN BOTH THE VICTORIES AND THE SETBACKS. Thank you God for all that you do, in Jesus name I pray. Amen.