When The Pain Seems Unbearable

2 Corinthians 7:9-10 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

We all have to deal with emotional pain throughout life. Yet I think that one of the hardest pains to deal with is the pain that you feel when you have caused others to stumble or suffer. Now the scriptures tells us that we must forgive ourselves as well as ask for forgiveness. Self forgiveness is probably the hardest thing you will ever do and will be the longest and most painful journey.

God says that we must forgive others or will not inherit the Kingdom (Matthew 18). This as a Christian is relatively easy. I have been able to forgive some heart wrenching offenses others have committed, but only though Gods help.Proverbs 17:9, "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends." I don't really struggle with them either. I asked God how can I trust others who have offended me in the past, his response was so simple. He said "You don't have to trust them, trust Me". WOW! That is profound. He is telling me not to worry that if I trust in Him, and He will not allow them to hurt or offend me again in such a way. He has kept His word. 

Forgiving ourselves is much harder though. For me every time I see, hear or even know my wife is angry, upset or struggling caused by my bad choices, it sets back the process of forgiving myself to the beginning. Those we have offended can and will be offended over and over with us until they can forgive us. Simple conversations can become an opportunity for them to be offended. We have no one to blame but ourselves. So now we are compounding the issue. They are upset with us and we also feel the pain for causing them to be upset. Research has shown that this stage of the emotional process has the highest suicide rate. God is the only one who can heal this pain or both parties. One of the most successful principles used and agreed upon by secular and Christian counselors is going through the process together has an exponential success rate and is much faster. Ecclesiastes 4:12, "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer." Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. They caution that this must be done in controlled and safe environments. Time can only heal so much.

Today I know I have unintentionally upset my wife, as I felt she was punishing me. My pain is overwhelming today and this mornings interaction started a downward spiral. During the interaction she mistook my rising pain for anger. She obviously could not see me, therefore her already being offended by my actions she believed I was reverting to my old behaviors and immediately became offended and defensive. I am not trying to call her out here, simply show how easy it is for things to move be taken out of context or its original intention. The offended are not consolable or even open to hearing what you have to say. The downward spiral is almost immediate in these scenarios. Emotions are running wild at this point also. These are natural HUMAN responses. Therefore we must step back, reach to God and stay there until the moment passes by using supernatural resources. Hebrews 4:16: “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” As you discovered from yesterdays post, I am at a point where I cannot take anymore pain. I have to let God refill me. I must retreat and reform. My light has dimmed, I cannot bear one more moment of seeing my wife in pain. I find myself shaking, not from anger, but from pain and fear. 

Fear, the bible talks of this being pawn of the enemies to secure a foothold in our lives. I fear of the unknown and the fact i have lost my one true Love over great errors in judgement. My wife fears much more, Her fear is that of she is searching for that reason to trust again. Yet every little thing can become negative not positive. Fear builds greater as she is already raw and exposed, so her fear of even slightly letting me in holds much greater consequences when I fail her again. Yes when, we will fail, we are human (Romans 2:23, For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,). So without God to hold onto an already wounded heart will now crush more, instead of Loving more in times of great distress or discord. Again I am only using this as a tool to share how we must turn to God and be careful not to misinterpret what he tells us. Be still and hear His voice. Confirm what you hear through scripture and clergy. The Devils biggest feat was to impersonate God. The only one to keep you from falling victim to the enemy is God himself. 

Lets Pray: Father God, Thank You for allowing us to know you. Father please forgive us for any sins we have committed and most of all Lord allow others to forgive us as well.  Lord we invoke Luke 4:4 .. "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.'" Lord we turn to your word Father so that we may find answers and peace in times of fear an attack Lord. We look there for confirmation of your will Lord. We ask that you move in our lives in the ways you have promised via these scriptures Lord. Father we cannot alone repair our broken lives. Allow others to know your will Lord. Allow others to find peace so that they may draw closer to you Lord. Lord answer us in our time of need, move supernaturally in answering our prayers. Lord many of us are in need of a miracle. Lord you know those needs as they are in the forefront of our lives. Father we give it all to you. As for me Lord I give you my family Lord. If your plan is to take them for my sins then I understand. Yet Lord if your plan is as you have shown me then I plead for you to move is Us, to restore our hearts in your image and favor Lord. Lord impress on her heart my Love is so deep that the verse from Song of Solomon 8:7 "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away" cannot begin to describe my affection for her. We all are sinners and I know there are others out there who need you as much or more Lord. Reach to then Father and guide them back to you. Father we are eternally grateful for the sacrifice of your son Jesus and Father we ask all this in His name....AMEN.