An Act of Betrayal

Matthew 26:47-50,  And while He was still speaking, behold, Judas, one of the twelve, with a great multitude with swords and clubs, came from the chief priests and elders of the people. Now His betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “Whomever I kiss, He is the One; seize Him.” Immediately he went up to Jesus and said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed Him. But Jesus said to him, “Friend, why have you come?” Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and took Him.

One of the most common issues we face as Christians is betrayal. This is something that is not easily accomplished yet it is so common. We somehow, whether intentional or not, betray those who care about us the most. Nearly every one of us will betray someone in our lifetime. Betrayal is one of the most damaging offenses to any relationship. Friends, family or the most common, a spouse no one is immune. Judas betrayed Jesus and though it was probably the most tragic scriptural reference, Jesus had already known it was going to happen, knew what His own outcome would be (death) and yet forgave Judas without question. John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

Betraying friends can bring about situations that can affect us emotionally, but in most cases these betrayals always end in no more contact with that friend. If they are close enough they may go through some of the same reactions that family or a spouse may suffer through. Forgiving in these instances is either immediate or nonexistent. 

Now when we betray our family or more commonly our spouse, these have some of the worst consequences. These are the most painful to deal with and the most to move past. They effects are overwhelming as well as long lasting. The only way a relationship will survive this type of breach of trust, is to let God intervene. I found an interesting article by the Christian author, Sarah Markley, who had an affair on her husband and then through the grace of God was able to restore her marriage. She writes about the journey here: http://www.sarahmarkley.com/2010/04/because-you-asked/ and she shares some helpful steps also:

Six years ago Sarah and her husband, Chad were battling the thunderous pounding of the revelation of her affair.  In this post she shares some of the major changes that took place for her and her husband to heal and change and grow.  Here is what I hear

1) Cut off all contact with the affair partner and actively challenge memories and fantasies about the relationship.

2) Removed all distractions like persistent alcohol use, porn and movies and cable that took their focus off one another.

3) Sincerely recovered their first love with God through reading scripture and praying together.

4) Took it one day at a time with an eternal viewpoint.  

5) Put up boundaries and safeguards for their relationship even if others thought they weren't necessary.  

The emotional healing after such a betrayal will in most cases anger and grief. It is important we do not try to manipulate or get in the way of these processes. Let God work and only with His grace will the relationship be restored. Let’s face it, if Christ was able to forgive Judas for effectively killing him, then God says we can forgive others if we just believe in Him and let our Father fulfill His promises. When you spouse starts the anguish phase they will effectively move forward and then back over and over.  

Just as a widow grieves the violated spouse will also follow those same patterns of loss:

• They feel abandoned by their mate.
• They feel alone in their grief.
• They feel as if they could have done something to prevent this.
• They feel like a marked person. They don’t fit in with normal couples anymore.
• They have a lot of unfinished business with their spouse that is now off-limits or has been overshadowed by what has occurred.
• They feel terrified of the future.
• They feel they should be doing better than they are.
• They will pretend nothing has happened (such as the widow who sets a plate for the lost partner at the table).

The spouse will then want a guarantee this will not happen again. If you do not have God guiding your life, then your being setup for failure all over again. You must humble yourself, be truly seeking forgiveness or to forgive and seeking God for healing. You will fail your spouse, maybe not in the same way, but it really doesn't matter as that trust will have to be supplied by God. You may never receive or give that level of trust again. The good news is, through God you can achieve restoration, all you must do is ask and believe. God wants to heal all relationships no matter how far gone we may feel they are. When they are restored, God makes them stronger than ever before and will truly stand the test of time. 

God has built each one of us with the coping mechanism to deal with such offenses. Now some can forgive immediately without any reservations. I believe the closer you walk with God the easier this is. Some of us must follow the natural progression of healing. However in every case God has to be left to work and the parties involved must work together in a common goal and He WILL do as He promised. Acts 3:19-21, 

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus. He must remain in heaven until the time comes for God to restore everything."

Let’s Pray: Father God, Thank You for showing us the way Father. We ask that You forgive us Father first and then allow others to forgive us. Allow us to forgive those who have betrayed us Lord. And allow us to truly seek you for the healing that needs to take place. Father whether we see it or not, You are the only way through these storms. Father we know You can do all things and we know You promise to breathe life into whoever seeks you. Without that is death. Father we want life, for ourselves, our spouses and all who surround us. Father please cover us all in your Holy Spirit and allow us to heal and not go astray Lord. Soften our hearts O Lord and show us the way you want us to Live. Father we ask all of these things, in Jesus name....AMEN.