Proverbs 6:16-19, There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, 19 a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.
Tonight I heard a story of a man with a backpack filled with stones and one in each hand. Each time the man was offended he would throw a stone at someone who offended him. I think my offended person has refilled the backpack a few times now. Over the last week i have been verbally stoned until I am severely weakened
Discord, did you know that Discordia is the Goddess of Strife, in the Latin translation? She is the Goddess of disunion, dissent and division. Not that I believe in the Greek gods. What I do want to reflect on is the above seven abominations listed in these versus. I want to focus on verse 19 and the word "discord". It is no wonder God finds this behavior to be an abomination, as it works directly against what he stands for. See today this was what the enemy was using. I am fighting and retreating fast. I have no defense left. I have asked God to defend me, yet I am still being bombarded and now no shield to stop the stones.
I have asked God over and over to help me. The enemy is not letting up, I am wavering and stumbling. I am weak and having trouble keeping my eyes focused on the kingdom right now. I know there are others who feel the same. I know that God is usually filling these pages with hope. Today, I am writing this page and I cannot say that God is guiding my fingers. I want everyone to see that it isn't always positive and the struggles are not always easy. God doesn't always come running to the rescue and at times we must retreat to regroup.
What can anyone else take from me that hasn't already been lost? Someone said tonight that "you are alive". Well that depends on the definition. You see men require something more than just a heartbeat to survive. They require the touch of Love. Me particularly, the touch of the one woman I Love. However she has chose a path of self preservation. I cannot blame her, as I forced her hand. She feels I attack her with words and that my words here are not of God. Its not for me to defend myself against her and what she feels. I have given it to God and I am stepping away.
I have stood in the storm and I still am here. There will be one difference from now on. My light has dimmed, I have no fight left in me. This will end one of two ways, one God will answer the call or he will not. My health is deteriorating from this, my drive is fading. However my Love for My God is strong. My Love for my wife is strong. My Love for my family is strong. The rest is not. Now some of you will be offended by this entry. I'm sorry that is not my intention. I feel empty and fading. My cup is full of vinegar and i need God to fill it with Love. I have been torn down over and over for the last two days, without relief. I am broken and now I am questioning everything I felt was God driven.
Now tomorrow will be another day. I am not sure what it will bring, but I will try and regroup and change my formula. Now God will be asked to show me how to grieve. How to release my family and move ahead alone. If God truly meant what he showed me, then he will restore us. As of right now, I'm not sure what to believe other then the Love of my daughter, my God and my friends.
Lets Pray: Father God I have nothing left to offer. I am sorry I couldn't stand strong as I understood you wanted. Father I am empty and I need a refill. I am stepping away, I will focus only on you and my daughter. The rest I have nothing left to give. I cannot take anymore stones in my direction, I need a new shield. So I turn to you for a new shield, My wife is now yours, soften her heart and maybe one day she will see the man you have made me to be. Thank you Lord for your Love, in Jesus name....AMEN.
2 comments:
Dear Aggie,
Thank you for this. I wonder if you know how God has just used you?-I needed it. I've been in a similar place, passing through and coming out the other side in Jesus Name. Like you I have to trust God on another level to work out the chapter of this story. One thing I know, the enemy will not write the remaining chapters of our lives and destiny: God will not allow it. He is in full control. Thank you for your sincerity, transparity and honesty about the trials of faith we can experience in the believer's walk. Nothing God allows is without purpose I know, but knowing this doesn't make it any easier as you've already identified. You have an appointment with God like myself. The road to fulfiling our purposes is always under construction i believe. I will pray that God will strenghthen us and steady us not to be moved from Him or shaken during this time of shaking and refining; that His peace that passes all understanding will garrison our hearts and minds; that the Holy Spirit will increase our comfort and keep us informed of the secrets behind our situations. Giving knowledge, wisdom and victory through out; and that as we surrender it over to God to help and heal both us and our situations, He will be quick and without delay and realise that we have had more than we can bear, and it's time for Him in His mercy to make a way for us to escape into those quiet pastures in Jesus Name. I prayed your prayer with you (and included myself in those words). God will not keep us in any form of confusion. He is making things clear very quickly. It is written in Matthew 18:19 " Again I say unto you , That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done of them of my Father which is in heaven", therefore Aggie, God has answered our prayers here today. This I also stand on, that because you and I have put our trust in the Lord regarding our situations, we will not be put to shame in the outcome (1Peter 2:6/ Romans 10:11/ Isaiah 49:23/ Psalms 25:2-6). Aggie, we will not be put to shame in Jesus Name. God Bless you so very much and meet you at the point of your every need, even the the needs you're not aware of. Nothing will separate you from His love.
Patricia
Thank you for your response and support. You are correct that God is the only way to get through these trials. God Bless
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