Isaiah 59:19, For he (the enemy) will come like a raging flood tide driven by the breath of the LORD.
I have said it before, that I am trying to keep this real so that all can see there are good days and bad days. Today is not a good day, it started off that way, although I was a little irritated and not sure why. I just know the enemy has been working on me overtime this morning and he even worked me over in church to the point I left. I was getting nothing except angry. So I needed to leave and get my head clear.
I awake this morning with another nights average of two hours of rest. I was frustrated from the beginning and I am almost positive the thoughts of missing my family was a large contributor. I went to meet the serve team for breakfast, missed them. Arrived at church very early and chatted with a few people, then started on today's blog. I felt God move me in that direction this morning as I was waiting on services to start. When finished, hadn't published it yet, I read a few other daily devotionals and all of a sudden the enemy stepped in. One thing after another and the more I got frustrated, then frustration turned to anger. Ephesians 4:26-27, And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
I finally moved into the sanctuary when it opened, as I sat there I watch couple after couple come in and sit down. Most of them had a story similar to mine, yet there they are, still married and looking happier then before. I am sitting alone, I feel as if I have a plague or am a leper. Again the enemy striking, now I am reflecting on my wife, that as the last place I needed to go this morning. I thumbed through pictures getting more angry and offended. What makes these other couples so special, how is it fair that their marriages were worth saving and why is mine stagnate. I look at my ring, feeling contempt. This I know was the enemy again. So I started to pray, I mean I am in the house of God, surely He will lift these feelings of anger, loneliness, abandonment, shame, selfishness, jealousy and hopelessness from me. After several minutes of prayer, I looked up. I seen several of my mentors come in and I couldn't move to say good morning. Fearful that they would see right through me. I feel I have been a big enough burden and complainer, this was Sunday, I don't want to laden people today. John 10:10, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy"
So the sermon starts and the pastor who was delivering the message today is wonderful. Yet every word I actually heard just placed another angry stone on the wall. I ask my wife if she was coming to the next service as they usually do and I knew that would turn my day around. Then another stone on the wall. She is not coming, really?! I not only was looking forward to that moment, but expecting it. Then the enemy strikes again. So I sent a few more texts and I was trying to change my attitude. Finally I had to leave, the walls were closing in, my head was spinning, I heard almost nothing the pastor had said. Maybe I can just call and hear my daughter. So I leave and try to call, nothing, so I text and ask permission to speak to her. Meanwhile a business associate called and I changed my unknown schedule to an active one.
Well finally I was running out of time and patience so I text to say I just wanted to leave my daughter a message. Then I called and immediately found that the attack was not over. My wife was offended and made sure I knew about it, I tried to explain, fruitlessly. So I just apologized, regrouped and left the message a few minutes later. Then I am even angrier. The enemy is reminding me that she can speak, hold, kiss, touch or anything else anytime she wants, yet I have limited engagement rules. My wife can do or say whatever she wants, set any "boundaries" she wants and I am supposed to stand and "humble" myself. Is this fair the enemy reminds me? Well absolutely not so I get even more angry, now at God. James 1:13-15, Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, ...it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth DEATH.
So I sit here now, sharing this with you, angry still but trying to calm down. I already analogized to the wife in a text, now I am apologizing to Pastor Paul, for leaving during your service. I am asking God in a moment to forgive me for letting the enemy control my emotions and thoughts. When I left the message for my daughter I couldn't even say what I wanted to say because I started to cry during the recording. I need His strength to get through this day, I am struggling more than normal today. So I also want to apologize to those I did not say hello to at church this morning, for fear they would see though me. Most of all I apologize to my wife and family for bringing the enemy to our doorstep. Without that, none of this would be occurring. Matthew 5:22-24, But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother, will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Let's Pray: Father God, please forgive me for my rude and selfish behavior this morning. Father please reach to me and help me through this day. Father You know my heart, You know my needs and Father You know my pain. I pray You have mercy on me and grant me reprieve from all of these emotions the enemy is using. In Jesus name I ask for this attack to be lifted from me and others who may be experiencing the same attacks. Father you say in John 16:23-24, I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name. You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy. I am asking on behalf of all who need your help Father to cover us in Your protection, Grant us the strength to fight off the enemy and guide us to deliverance from the enemy and our fears. Father I plea that this prayer allows me to change my attitude so that I may bring Honour to You Father, My Wife, My Family, My Church, Leaders and My Brethren. Father I ask all of this in Jesus name....AMEN
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