The Letter
I awoke this morning sweating and could not cool off. While
struggling to get dressed in the dark, my body is screaming in pain from the
previous days activities’. I went to wake my spouse, yet they were already
gone. “Hmmm, early day?” I ask myself. I then go to wake our child, no one
there either. I look for my phone to call and find out what’s going on, I cannot
find it. I can’t shake the feeling that something is not right. I stop and close
my eyes for just a moment to try and remember if I had forgotten something. Like
a lightning bolt hitting me, the memories flooded in. I realized just then why nothing
seems right.
It started years ago, leading a life that I wanted. I had no
worries, a nice house, good friends and was really just enjoying life.
I was soon married and starting the life of sharing with one another. We were in love, but it seemed more of a way of life and not true love. We continued in
marriage, struggling, no more than anyone else, it seemed. Then I found God,
who showed me a different way to Live. My spouse tried to understand, however
never could really fully commit to God. Life soon brought us a beautiful daughter.
She bonded us closer together, so we now love each other through her.
God is leading me to bring my spouse to Him. I try
everything and really do not understand why it is not happening. We start
having more problems; I am turning to God and giving it all to Him. I no longer
hear his voice; His warmth of love is fading. What is happening? The storm strengthens;
I find my spouse has had an affair. Hurt to the core, I shake God lose and become
bent on revenge. I want to repay an eye for an eye using the cover that my marriage is
destroyed and how dare this happen to me. In my mind I am justified and God
will forgive me, I mean he has to understand, right?
My spouse comes to me asking me for forgiveness, I cannot
believe this. No, I cannot forgive this person for this overwhelming treachery.
Who does this person think they are? No wonder they didn’t understand God and
my efforts. They surely will burn for their betrayal. So I file for divorce, I pull
away from all who do not agree with my convictions. My anger is worn as a coat and I bathe in my spouse’s pain for reconciliation. My spouse then tells me of their
conversion to Christ. I laugh and nothing but vicious comments lash out, how
dare they claim God at a time like this. Our child, distraught, is trying for
me to see the bigger picture. I refuse, I try to forgive, but not really. I am
going to make my spouse suffer as I am. I am justified and God tells me in
scripture that I can, doesn't He?
I'm angry all over
again now that I am remembering, then came a knock at the door and my whole life
changed in an instant. There stands a Police officer, His look is very professional and deliberate,
I am trying to think what possibly could he want? He then tells me that my
spouse and child were killed in a traffic accident. He was the first officer at
the scene. My daughter was already gone, but my spouse was pleading to get a
message to me. The message was “I’m sorry and I love you”. I dropped down to my
knees, lost, confused, shocked and now my whole world….destroyed. Just
when I thought the pain could not be worse. They are gone, and in their passing, all my spouse could think of was how they were sorry and that they loved me. I have been so selfish. Why, why, why?
I am now not just angry at myself, but God too. I start down a path of self-destruction,
hiding my guilt, pain and suffering behind the cover of religion. I still went
to church, I am really just going through the motions though. My pain is beyond description. No one can
understand me, my family says I will be ok, my church reaches out to me but I
have pulled away. I even make a halfhearted attempt at prayer, but it becomes
a pain filled, self-absorbed cry. I have been drinking and using the meds the
doctor prescribed. They really only dull my senses. The pain is still there
when I wake.
Wait a minute, realization has now been revealed. I am still
in pain, I am still angry at my spouse, I am still feeling selfish, I still can’t
hear God, I still have not forgiven. I cannot cool off, I cannot
see the light. I hear a voice, it says "God gave you many chances, he sent you
believers to help you back and you could not see past yourself." I now remember
that day, I took one too many pills, drank one too many alcoholic beverages and my body
ceased being. I am now going to suffer for all eternity. I refused to listen, to
reach to God or to accept His attempts to reach me. In my mind I justified my
actions, I harbored anger, I refused to forgive and now I am the one lacking
forgiveness. My choices have landed me in Hell. Never to see those I love again.
Don’t be like me, look beyond yourselves. Ask and give true
forgiveness, let God bless your life before it is too late. Tomorrow is not guaranteed
and at any moment you could be me. I beg no one suffers my fate, however I know
Satan will receive more and more souls here as the hearts of the world are
hardening more each day and some are like I was, and using Gods name to justify
my actions. I plead, STOP THIS NOW and let God work in You. When you see my family, tell them I am sorry
and I love them.
Anonymous
1 John 2:10, "Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble"
Hebrews 12:15, "looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled"
Revelations 20:11-15, And I saw a great white throne and the one sitting on it. The earth and sky fled from his presence, but they found no place to hide. I saw the dead, both great and small, standing before God’s throne. And the books were opened, including the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to what they had done, as recorded in the books. The sea gave up its dead, and death and the grave gave up their dead. And all were judged according to their deeds. Then death and the grave were thrown into the lake of fire. This lake of fire is the second death. And anyone whose name was not found recorded in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of fire.
Remember, tomorrow is not guaranteed for you or those around you. You have a chance, take advantage of it now. God has you reading this for a reason. Nothing is by coincidence.
Let's Pray: Father God please deliver us from our problems Lord. Father we ask for You forgiveness and we pray to feel Your mercy Lord. We are undeserving Father. We Love you and allow us to vision to see the truth Lord. Please so not let one of us fall short of Your Glory. Father lead us down the path the author should have taken. Father we do not want to be angry, selfish or unforgiving. Lord allow us to find these things through You. We ask all of these things in your sons precious name, Jesus.....AMEN.
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