Ephesians 5:21, Submitting to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence for Christ.
My light dimmed a little more today, as now comes the the big question of the toughest season, today I am to sign Divorce papers. My wife has chose to proceed stating, God cannot heal our relationship. My heart is breaking all over again. So by signing, am I surrendering or submitting? This is very debatable, as most of you know my stance on Divorce. The scripture above says we should submit to each other. Now this particular post may get a little raw, so please do not take offense to it. I have tried to keep it real all along and I will not stop now.
So for a few months now this day has been looming over my head. It has been the cause of many health issues and more hours of prayer and lost sleep, than I care to count. Yet even after pleading, praying and fasting, the result stands the same. Free will appears to be prevailing. As angry as I want to be right now I have been trying to take the narrow road. My feelings are, I am about to be everything, I vowed I wasn't going to be in life and it is about to come down upon me. I am about to be a divorced (again), a part time father, a convict and the enemy will win again. This is how I feel as I have absolutely no control and must stand and watch my wife walk away with our daughter. Do I have any culpability? Absolutely, in at least bringing this treachery, to my door. One day I will have to answer to God for these decisions. However, that is where my culpability ends. I try to make every decision based on a Godly choice and continue to attempt to do so each and every day. Psalm 9:10, And they who know Your name [who have experience and acquaintance with Your mercy] will lean on and confidently put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek (inquire of and for) You [on the authority of God's Word and the right of their necessity].
So that brings us to this choice, to sign or not to sign. I have been stead fast that signing would be an act of hypocrisy which I never want to commit again after over 40 years of it. If you read back you can see the stance on which I base this decision on, where I stood against divorce, citing not only God does not approve of it, but that If you truly believe in God, and He can heal all things, then divorce isn't even an option. So would signing be surrendering? Make me a hypocrite? I do not think so, after much counsel and many hours of prayer, I am led to believe that signing will be the ultimate submission and sacrifice to my wife and my God. Now I truly leave it in God's and my wife's hands. I have placed it at her feet and the fate of our marriage, our family and the future is now her decision, as I have done my part, lately, to fulfill submitting to each other, resisting the enemy and trusting in God. James 4:7, So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
This was the hardest most difficult decision and selfless sacrifice of my life. I am giving her the opportunity to walk away and feel deep down as if I am quitting. Yet I will stand here and hope she does a u-turn and comes back to me, I may be standing alone for a very long time. My ring will only come off one of two ways, if she replaces it when we renew our vows or when I go to meet our Lord. Either way I am married to her, in Gods eyes, for the rest of my life. Matthew 19:6, "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Of this matter I do not get a choice or want one. I have only wanted two things for many years, to be married to this woman and to raise our daughter together in a Christian family setting. This is my disappointment and I will struggle with this and will the rest of my life. There are many things that are only a memory to me and unfortunately my daughter is so young, she may not ever remember them either.
This is what the enemy does, he plants the seeds of deceit, dishonor, adultery, unforgiveness and the idea God cannot fix it all, therefore destroying marriages and families. He wins without even breaking a sweat. So my family because, starting of my choices, the lack of faith in our God and free will, loses to the enemy. We become another worldly statistic. Do not follow my families fate. James 3:16, For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. Find God, trust in Him and fix your marriage and family now. If you are in my shoes, stand fast and pray. God can fix your marriage and family. Let Him work and stay out of the way. That is my plan and should free will and the enemy win, I will be standing here until my Father comes and to get me.
My light dimmed a little more today, as now comes the the big question of the toughest season, today I am to sign Divorce papers. My wife has chose to proceed stating, God cannot heal our relationship. My heart is breaking all over again. So by signing, am I surrendering or submitting? This is very debatable, as most of you know my stance on Divorce. The scripture above says we should submit to each other. Now this particular post may get a little raw, so please do not take offense to it. I have tried to keep it real all along and I will not stop now.
So for a few months now this day has been looming over my head. It has been the cause of many health issues and more hours of prayer and lost sleep, than I care to count. Yet even after pleading, praying and fasting, the result stands the same. Free will appears to be prevailing. As angry as I want to be right now I have been trying to take the narrow road. My feelings are, I am about to be everything, I vowed I wasn't going to be in life and it is about to come down upon me. I am about to be a divorced (again), a part time father, a convict and the enemy will win again. This is how I feel as I have absolutely no control and must stand and watch my wife walk away with our daughter. Do I have any culpability? Absolutely, in at least bringing this treachery, to my door. One day I will have to answer to God for these decisions. However, that is where my culpability ends. I try to make every decision based on a Godly choice and continue to attempt to do so each and every day. Psalm 9:10, And they who know Your name [who have experience and acquaintance with Your mercy] will lean on and confidently put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek (inquire of and for) You [on the authority of God's Word and the right of their necessity].
So that brings us to this choice, to sign or not to sign. I have been stead fast that signing would be an act of hypocrisy which I never want to commit again after over 40 years of it. If you read back you can see the stance on which I base this decision on, where I stood against divorce, citing not only God does not approve of it, but that If you truly believe in God, and He can heal all things, then divorce isn't even an option. So would signing be surrendering? Make me a hypocrite? I do not think so, after much counsel and many hours of prayer, I am led to believe that signing will be the ultimate submission and sacrifice to my wife and my God. Now I truly leave it in God's and my wife's hands. I have placed it at her feet and the fate of our marriage, our family and the future is now her decision, as I have done my part, lately, to fulfill submitting to each other, resisting the enemy and trusting in God. James 4:7, So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
This was the hardest most difficult decision and selfless sacrifice of my life. I am giving her the opportunity to walk away and feel deep down as if I am quitting. Yet I will stand here and hope she does a u-turn and comes back to me, I may be standing alone for a very long time. My ring will only come off one of two ways, if she replaces it when we renew our vows or when I go to meet our Lord. Either way I am married to her, in Gods eyes, for the rest of my life. Matthew 19:6, "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Of this matter I do not get a choice or want one. I have only wanted two things for many years, to be married to this woman and to raise our daughter together in a Christian family setting. This is my disappointment and I will struggle with this and will the rest of my life. There are many things that are only a memory to me and unfortunately my daughter is so young, she may not ever remember them either.
This is what the enemy does, he plants the seeds of deceit, dishonor, adultery, unforgiveness and the idea God cannot fix it all, therefore destroying marriages and families. He wins without even breaking a sweat. So my family because, starting of my choices, the lack of faith in our God and free will, loses to the enemy. We become another worldly statistic. Do not follow my families fate. James 3:16, For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. Find God, trust in Him and fix your marriage and family now. If you are in my shoes, stand fast and pray. God can fix your marriage and family. Let Him work and stay out of the way. That is my plan and should free will and the enemy win, I will be standing here until my Father comes and to get me.
Let's Pray:
Father God, You know more than anyone how this makes hearts hurt.
Divorce is not the answer yet so many feel it is the only way out. How
can so many believers fall victim to the enemy's deceit that you cannot
heal all things? Father I am still standing, asking for Your
intervention. Not just in my marriage, but in the countless others who
are struggling as we speak. I pray that anyone else who may be going
through this same trial comment and be included in this prayer. We
believe God can Heal all things. I pray this over my wife and your
spouses too. I can believe for all of us, I know our God is capable of
miracles and I ask for one here, to give break through to all those
struggling at this very moment God. I ask for this in Jesus name and I
will continue to stand in His name for that is right and good. I will
not be moved or shaken again. Father with all our faults, forgive us and
grant these prayers in the name of Jesus....AMEN.
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